Thanks from Michael's Dad

This started as a letter to the editor of our local paper. I quickly realized that publication there was limited in the ability to get the message I wanted to send relayed where I'd like to see it go.  As a result, I decided to post it on this blog.  I may still provide a copy to the papers in the communities mentioned because I know a number of people that have no idea what a blog is. Until then, I offer the following for your consideration.

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It’s been nearly three months since my son, Michael, was severely wounded by an Improvised Explosive Device (IED) in Afghanistan. Most of his physical wounds have healed now but he was permanently blinded in the explosion. He is doing well and making progress at the Western Blind Rehabilitation Center in Palo Alto, California. He still faces the prospect of future cosmetic surgeries to help his physical appearance and to restore the hearing in his left ear but for now, he’s doing really well. We are all so thankful for his progress.

These past three months have been the longest three months of my life. I spent the first month at his bedside in Washington DC but when he was transferred to the California facility in early February, I had to return to work. Fortunately, his mother is able to serve as his official “non-medical attendant” and keeps us apprised of the situation. The biggest thing keeping me from wallowing in sorrow is Michael’s attitude and acceptance of his situation. How can I despair over the impact this has had when my son is coping with such dignity and acceptance? Running a close second to Michael’s attitude is the overwhelming kindness and support that has come to him and to us from family and friends everywhere.

I am writing this letter of appreciation to everyone that has helped so far. There has been such an outpouring of support that I will likely neglect someone or something in this text. I ask for your consideration and forgiveness for my oversight. I assure you my spirit and my heart knows and acknowledges you despite any lapse of memory. Believe me, there is much I have mentally misplaced as I have struggled to keep myself  together these past few weeks. With that said, I've tried to write things in a somewhat chronological order.

Thanks to our family, immediate and extended, for rallying around us and allowing Roxann and I go to Michael without worrying about things back home. Thanks to my coworkers for doing my job as well as their own which provided me the precious time I had to stay with him. Thanks to the members of our church that came to our home when we first got the news and then called others to assist. Thanks to the members in Washington DC that came to the hospital and offered the spiritual support we so appreciated. Thanks to the members of other churches and congregations that offered their prayers in Michael’s behalf when he was in critical condition. Thanks to all of you in the military that came to see him and let him know he was still part of the team. Thanks to those of you in Michael’s unit and his chain of command that helped with his stuff and helped us navigate and get through those first crazy days. Thanks to all of you that sent cards, letters, posters, books, music, quilts and other wonderful gifts to help uplift and comfort him. Thanks to the TACP Association for providing us the opportunity to attend Brad Smith’s funeral in Michael’s behalf. A special thank you goes to Brad and Tiffany Smith’s families and friends for allowing us, as strangers, to share their grief and provide us a glimpse of the wonderful young man we never got to meet. Thanks to Tiffany Smith for coming to see Michael.  I hope your visits were as beneficial for you as they were for him.  Thank you to the doctors, nurses and other healthcare workers at Walter Reed and at Palo Alto that cared for Michael and looked out for us as well. Thanks to our family liaison officer and his wife; him for being there for whatever we needed and her for 1) letting him do so, and 2) encouraging her third graders to send their thoughts to Michael. Thanks to the fifth graders from Troy, Illinois for bringing Michael into the Spartan fold. Thanks to the students from Bosque Farms Elementary for their hard work and the GIANT poster they sent to Michael.  Thanks to the crew who came up with the “Team Lassie” concept shirts and started a movement! (You guys rock!)

A huge thank you goes to the family members, special friends, and neighbors (many we barely knew, some we’d never met) that worked so hard to plan and put on the fund raiser events for Michael. Thanks also to each and every person that supported us by donating items or services for raffle or auction and to those who otherwise participated, in person or via the telephone or internet.

The first event took place in Durango, Colorado and the response was overwhelming. I was deeply moved by the outpouring of love and support from my home town. My family has been a part of that community for sixty-plus years and what they did was amazing. The second event took place in Michael’s home town of Bosque Farms, New Mexico. I thought there was no way it could compare to what had happened in Durango but I was sorely mistaken. The committee that formed and worked so hard to plan and coordinate this event are miracle workers. I spent the day wandering around in awe and amazement at what their hard work made possible. Thanks again to each of you. I told the mayor that for the first time in my life I felt conflicted with responding to the question, “Where are you from?” In the past, I would answer with something like, “I’m from Durango, Colorado but for now I live in New Mexico.” I won’t answer that way any more. Durango is where I’m from but Bosque Farms is home! The third event took place in Utah. That’s where Roxann and I met and that’s where Roxann, Michael, and all of his sisters were born. We moved away when he was starting first grade and left many extended family and friends behind when we did. Initially I was quite surprised to hear that something was going on there in his behalf. He was so young when we left and many of the folks we were close to had moved on as well. If nothing else, I’ve learned through this experience that appreciation for the men and women serving in our military is alive and well in cities and towns all across the country. Thanks to those who worked so hard to put on that event as well.  It amazes me that people who barely knew or never met Michael would be willing to do something like that.

Thanks to everyone that reads and follows Michael’s progress on the blog. For me, when I was in Washington DC, it was therapeutic to sit and write and get out the emotions of each day. I’m feeling a bit of that now as I put these thoughts down in print. Thanks for your tolerance for my meanderings. After Michael, Roxann, and I separated, I felt lost and the blog became a means for me to keep Michael in sight. Thanks to my wife Roxann for keeping us in pictures and for putting her thoughts down in the blog (when the internet service is functional).

More than anyone, I thank Roxann for putting up with me through this (and, reflecting on our past together, so much more).  I thank her for being the mother of my children. She is a shining example of what a mother should be. I’ve never doubted her love and devotion and commitment to seeing that our children were raised properly and taught the value of honesty, integrity, charity, duty, and faith in God.

Because of what has happened to Michael, my life has been changed forever. My eyes have been opened and I’ve been witness to hundreds of random acts of kindness. I have a renewed hope in the “common man” and the “silent majority”. It has refueled the fire of my own patriotism and national loyalty and has given me a greater appreciation of what my father, my brothers, my nephew, my son and every other member of our military lays on the line when they take the oath to not only defend our country and our constitution but, when called upon, to ensure that others have the right to be free from tryanny and to be able to choose for themselves. I’ve seen first hand what too many of these young servicemen suffer as a result of doing their duty and I love, honor, and revere them and those that suffered similarly in the past for their sacrifice. I have a greater appreciation for God and the tender mercies He provides us. What happened to Michael is tragic indeed, but through this tragedy, I have seen God’s hand at work and I know that miracles aren’t something only talked about in church and read about in scripture. They’re real and they’re right in front of us each day and all we have to do is look for them with a mind open to the possibility that God does bless us individually in so many ways.  I’ve seen the beauty of love, brotherhood, service, charity, selflessness, sacrifice, and kindness. I’ve wept bitter tears over what my son has lost and for what he’s going through but I’ve also wept sweet tears of joy and gratitude at what’s been done in his behalf. I’m pleased as I consider the man that Michael has become. I thank him for teaching me to trust him and to let him do what he needs to do. I love him and I’m so proud of him and I hope he feels the same about me. If he’s only half as grateful that I’m his dad as I am that he’s my son, I’ve done well.

Finally, I thank God for the blessing of my family and friends. I thank Him for watching over Michael and preserving his life. I thank Him for helping Michael to heal, physically and spiritually, and for helping him cope with the challenges he faces. I thank Him for helping me through this and for letting me catch a glimpse of the bigger picture. I pray that we will all be blessed with the ability to keep our priorities in order and do what we need to in order to return to His presence. From what I’ve seen these past three months, there’s a whole bunch of people that are on the right track. Thanks to each of you again and may God bless you for your kindness.

Sincerely,
Jim Malarsie