Memorial Day Thoughts

Hello everyone, this is Michael's dad, Jim. I want to take a moment and post something that's been on my mind for a while now. I hope you'll understand why by the time you've finished reading this.

This blog has documented Michael's progress, achievements, thoughts, and experiences for the past two years.  With Memorial Day upon us I want to talk about something else. 

This holiday was originally a time designated to remember and honor members of the military who died while in the service of our country.  With that in mind, I would like to take the time to honor the four young men that lost their lives in the same event that changed Michael's life so drastically.  John Dion, Brian Bowman, Josh Lengstorf, and Brad Smith.  These men entered the military with the knowledge that they might pay the ultimate price for doing so.  Like most young men, I doubt they seriously considered it possible at the start of their service but as time passed and they heard the stories coming back from overseas, I'm sure the possibility crossed their minds.  Despite it, they went over there and as a result, never came home. I know they shared the bonds of a brotherhood forged in a place and time the rest of us can't understand or share unless you've been there.  I honor their names, their sacrifice, their service, and the part they played in my son's life. I thank their families and offer my sincerest sympathies for the loss of their sons. May God bless them for the price they've paid as well.

I specifically want to thank Josh for the gift of Jesse.  Something we haven't spoken of too openly is the "big picture" of Michael and Jesse and their relationship.  When Michael was in the blind rehab center, Tiffany Smith brought the other young widows to California for the chance to meet Michael and speak with the guy that was with their husbands right up to the end. During this visit, Michael and Jesse found out they belonged to the same church and that common bond resonated with both of them.  As the initial visit came to an end, they both agreed they would like to continue communicating and Jesse agreed to a return visit as soon as she could arrange it. Man, is she good at arranging travel.  She came back again, and again, and again, and again.....

As they talked and got to know each other more, the more they found in common.  My wife had been there with Michael the whole time and she was watching this thing unfold before her very eyes.  She was concerned these two were suffering some sort of PTSD and were bonding through the "shock and awe" of the events that brought them together.  As she told me about the visits, I was sure it was a "rebound" situation as well.  It wasn't long before I was headed to California to see for myself what was happening and to meet this young woman that was such an interruption in my son's recovery.  I was afraid Michael may be having some sort of "survivor's guilt" attack and was feeling like he had a duty to perform because he was here and Josh wasn't. Frankly, I knew how Michael had been when it came to girls and I couldn't believe he was acting serious with someone he hadn't known for very long (and had never seen for that matter).  At the same time, Jesse's dad Chris was going through the same turmoil we were. He too was certain his little girl was off her rocker and he wanted her to get her mind right before she did something crazy. 

As chance would have it, Chris and I ended up in Palo Alto at exactly the same time. I suspect chance had a helping hand from Michael and Jesse as she had arranged the itinerary for Chris but I'm not going to say I'm positive about it.  Regardless, we dads cornered them, individually and together, and gave them the third degree.  We offered them the wisdom of our years and experience, we counselled them to take it slowly and really think things through.  We urged them to consider their respective individual situations (Jesse with a one year old to care for and Michael with the need to learn how to cope and get by without being able to see) and seriously weigh their options.  We might as well have been speaking in Latin for all the good it did us because neither of them ever showed a sign of considering anything we'd told them. Kids!

Michael had convinced Jesse she needed to move and had talked her into giving New Mexico a try.  He figured it would be real handy having her closer when he was finished at the blind center (again without consulting the parents).  And coincidentally, just before he left the blind center to head home, on a shopping trip to the mall, they just happened to stop in a jewelry store and just happened to end up at the ring case.  On the day Michael arrived back in Albuquerque, our entire family and what seemed like half of the city were on hand to welcome him home.  We couldn't get out of the airport before he went down on one knee and proposed to her. In front of the local TV cameras no less (what an attention grabber that was).  Roxann and I just looked at each other and hugged, trying to decide if we should celebrate or start bawling.  We smiled, grateful to have our family back together, and headed home. Here we are, two years later with a wedding and a new baby and a move behind us, wondering what's next.

Despite our reservations, Jesse has been awesome!  I've watched Jesse and Michael together and seen the way she lets him have the attention. I've been there as he's been thanked for his service, sacrifice, and pain without uttering a sound about her suffering and pain. She has accompanied him on several trips where members of the military have paid him tribute and honored him without having any idea of her story.  I've watched her put aside her plans for the day to help Michael with something he wants to do without complaint.  More importantly, I've watched her treat him like he's a normal, capable man and have him do things or help her with the kids when she needs it. I've seen her look at him with love in her eyes and witnessed the tenderness she feels for him and the encouragement she offers him.  I've also watched her as she mothers my granddaughters.  I must tell you, I am very pleased with what she's doing in spite of the obstacles. There have been some pretty mean-spirited and cruel individuals out there that have taken some pretty cheap shots at her.  There are "friends" that have passed judgement on her and turned away without a word.  She has handled those situations and treated those individuals with a grace and dignity I don't feel they deserved.  Yeah, she's made some mistakes and I love to tease her (like when her dog ate her wedding dress, I mean her ex-dog) but I really do think she's done a pretty good job so far. I'm very glad to have her in our family and I've to come to love her as though she were my own daughter.  She's certainly earned my respect and praise.

So what, you might ask, has this rambling about Jesse got to do with Memorial Day? Nothing and everything. I know this holiday is especially hard for her. On one hand, she feels the loss of someone she loved and planned on growing old with. She was directly impacted by the "War on Terror" and Memorial Day is a cold, hard reminder of what happened.  On the other hand, she has a husband who came home from that war and together they've made new dreams and plans for the future. She gets to struggle with feelings the rest of us can only imagine - looking back and looking forward. Every once in a while she gets weepy and she acts like it's a sign of weakness. I'm here to attest that it's not weakness at all.  She said it best - "I'm an Air Force wife and an Army widow", not what she'd planned for sure.

                                                                 
So Jesse, thanks for all you do for my son. Thanks for all you do for the girls. Know we love you and wish the very best for you. 

Josh, thanks again for your part in bringing Jesse into our lives. My trust in God and faith in Christ let me believe you're fully aware of what's happening here and I believe you're ok with the choices Jesse's made, for herself and for Kadence. We honor you for your sacrifice and we'll always give you credit for what you've done. We'll do our best to make sure your girls know they are loved and cared for.

John, Brian, Josh, and Brad - God bless you and every other person that has paid the ultimate price for this nation. May we never forget or take for granted the freedoms and priveleges you have paid such a dear price for.

And finally, in closing, dear Father in Heaven, please bless this Nation and help us all to keep it strong and worthy of the sacrifices made.